The Sore Spot

Everyone has a sore spot. It’s the part of ourselves we won’t look at, acknowledge or risk disturbing. It’s the story or trauma or situation that must be avoided at all costs.

People will choose careers, families and opportunities simply to avoid confronting the little tiny voice that is hiding inside. It’s almost impossible to make it go away. But if we’re brave enough to acknowledge it exists, it’s possible to help it take up far less room.

Sometimes the brain will conceal memories that are very traumatic, stressful, or fear-related. When the emotional anguish of remembering the event is still intense in the short term, this can be protective. Suppressed memories, however, have the potential to lead to long-term emotional health issues like anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and dissociative disorders.

Even with a therapist’s assistance, it can be challenging to resolve the resulting situations because traumatic memories can be state-dependent. Therapists may find it challenging to assist patients in determining and treating the underlying cause of their symptoms when they are unable or unwilling to recall their sore spots.

We are less likely to be triggered when we have a calm and curious approach to our memories.

Children are prone to blame themselves or internalise the unpleasant events they go through. They frequently feel guilty for circumstances that were out of their control, such as abuse by a sibling or neglect by a parent. This is due to the fact that seeing a parent in a bad light or realising that their sibling is unreliable or defective can actually feel more dangerous to children.

As we mature, internalising these traumatic experiences begins to define our fundamental self-perceptions, which can be challenging to change. These attitudes, ideas, and orientations follow us into adulthood, when we unwittingly repeat them in our interpersonal interactions.

By blaming others, dissociating, attempting to hide our memories, or continuously reliving the intense emotional agony, we are failing to cope with our trauma and, as a result, becoming victims of our past in the present. Our brains are not fully integrated while our sore spots remain unresolved. Events in the present day may set us off, and we run the risk of returning to emotional states we underwent as children.

We are less likely to be triggered when we have a calm and curious approach to our memories. Additionally, we will begin to become more aware of our triggers, which lessens their impact. The phrase “name it to tame it” alludes to the idea that when we name our emotions, we are less likely to let them control us.

Childhood trauma does not define you, but how you internalise it certainly can.

Oprah Winfrey

We hear the justification that since we cannot change the past, why bother remembering it all the time. If we do not examine our past, we are more prone to cling to unfavourable core beliefs about ourselves that restrict us in daily life. Additionally, we are more likely to repeat unfavourable habits in the present and get triggered.

The way we relate today is not a result of what occurred to us, but rather of how fully we have processed and absorbed the grief. As children, our stories may influence who we grow up to be, but as adults, our stories are in our control. Although we have no control over the events of the past, we do have power over how they affect us in the present.