Normalising Failure

What if you failed so many times that you got used to failure? What if failure was never an issue? What if the fear and the physiological effect of failure never existed? Will we still want to fail? Is it the mere result of failing that makes us fear it so much or is there some other sort of force in failure that we dread to face?

What amazes me time and again is, we hear amazing stories of successful people, whether it be Mark Zuckerberg, Kevin Systrom, Elon Musk or Lionel Messi, and how they overcame some form of struggle at some point during their rise to success or how they failed and were able to look beyond it, but despite how much we want to learn from them, we still dread to accept the part where we fail. We want to get to their level of success in one smooth ride. What we never fail to understand is; everyone has a story, and every story will have some sort of challenge to overcome.

“… everyone has a story, and every story will have some sort of challenge to overcome.”

Six months ago, for the eighth time in three years, I applied for a role in this specific company. After countless interviews, and tireless preparations, I was rejected yet again. As I stood in a coffee shop, staring through the window, but looking at no one in particular, it hit me! How was I going to tell everyone I told about the interview that I had failed again, for the eighth time! They may not say anything to my face but what will they think? You see, I figured that I was more bothered about the shame of my failure than of the fact that I failed. Left alone, I knew I could always apply another time and try again. I was okay with failing and trying again, but I wasn’t okay with letting others know. I had to think of a way to hide it from others, or permit me to say, to ‘package’ my failure. The truth is, no matter how much we package it, and no matter how much we hide it, failure is failure. What we need to learn to do is embrace it and move on.

We need to get more comfortable accepting our failures, and more importantly, accepting other people’s failures too. If someone tried something and failed, don’t look down on them, don’t think they’re stupid, and don’t even dare think they’ve ‘tried enough’. It’s the one who gives up that has truly lost. I’ve come to realise that the shame of failure from peers, parents and family is often more dreadful than the personal pain that comes with having to start again.

“It’s the one who gives up that has truly lost”

Failure is far more frightening in anticipation than in recovery. So you tried something and you failed; you lost a lot of money as a result of your failure; all that you were hoping for came crashing down as a result of your failure. So what?!?! You get up, mourn over it if you have to, and after you’re done, move on. We need to get used to failure. We really need to normalise it.

I have a friend whose reaction to some of my failures when shared with him is absolutely legendary. After I gather courage to tell him, he simply says “oh okay” in the most casual way ever possible. Sometimes I’m in shock! Like dude, everything I’ve put into this thing has just come crashing down and all you have to say is “oh okay”?!?! But in all honesty, until we learn to normalise and take failure that casually, we would constantly live in fear of its appearance, and hinder ourselves from true greatness.